12 Ways to Beat Loneliness

Whether you’re a social butterfly or a shy wallflower, you’re human and therefore wired for connection with others. After living through a year of social distancing recently, many people found themselves feeling more alone than ever. And that isn’t good — a lack of personal connection can lead to emotional and physical problems like:

• Sleep issues
• Feeling stressed out
• Altered brain function
• Increased heart problems
• Higher stroke risk
• Poor decision-making
• Memory problems
• Higher risk of substance abuse

It doesn’t take a pandemic to make you feel isolated. Personal events can make you feel disconnected, too.

Sarah Hightower, a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta, recalls a moment of deep loneliness after a miscarriage several years ago. “I knew I wasn’t the only one who had experienced this, but in the moment, you can feel like the only one. I was in deep grief and loneliness.”

As a therapist, Hightower tries to help clients realize that talking about loneliness is a good thing. “It can be a call to action,” she says. “Those feelings are a wake-up call to look at things in our lives that we can change.”

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“We know people are hurting nationally because of the pandemic,” Cates says. “The truth is we were dealing with loneliness and lack of social connections long before a global pandemic.” Experts like Cates note the decline in social networks that can result from things like smaller family sizes, an increase in social media, families living farther apart, and having fewer bonds with volunteer and religious groups.

Plan ahead

There are days on the calendar that can make you sad. Plan ahead for tough days or seasons and put something fun on the calendar. Try to meet safely with friends or family. When a day (or time of year) you dread has something you’re looking forward to instead, it can help.

“I call it proactive self-care,” Hightower says. “Recognize that you expect to feel lonely during a certain time, and be gentler with yourself.” Plan a drive or to meet with friends. Looking forward to something joyful can bring joy.

Adopt a pet

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Rediscover a hobby

A hobby — even one you do alone — can help. That magical moment where you get lost in doing something you enjoy can push you past loneliness. You might hear it called “flow” or “being in the zone.”

You could take up an old hobby like reading, cooking, photography, or yoga. Things that involve your hands (like knitting and painting) can also help you lose track of time — in a good way. Or sign up to learn a new hobby. Try an online self-paced course, or check out some online videos. You’ll meet people with common interests along the way.

Reconnect with others

You don’t need a cast of thousands to stop feeling lonely. Experts say that having a few close friends can make a big difference. Start with a phone call and then consider scheduling an online chat or a coffee or tea that you enjoy in person or virtually together.

Check in with others, knowing they may also find it hard to leave their comfort zone, too. Restart a family game night, or plan a monthly online party with friends across the miles.

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Take a scenic drive. Walk at the park alone or with a friend. Take a day off from work or family duties and enjoy a day at the beach, the lake, or a trail. If you work from home, set up your office outdoors when the weather is nice.

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Move your body

Moving has a host of benefits, including helping you beat the blues of loneliness. Try dance, yoga, or going for a walk, or find an exercise class online. Staying active can help with depression, anxiety, stress, and a host of other things that can come with being lonely.

Don’t have time or the energy for a long workout? No problem. Start with 5 to 10 minutes each day and build from there. Studies show moderate exercise — where you breathe heavier than normal and get a little warm — can have great benefits.

Seek therapy

Everyone feels lonesome from time to time. But experts say there’s a problem if you feel:

• Lonely more than once a week
• Empty
• Like you don’t belong

If you can’t shake these feelings, you might need to talk to a counselor. The loss of a loved one, divorce, retirement, or moving to a new town can unleash lonely feelings. A therapist can help you work through these moments and give you tools to make them better.

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Learn to cherish alone time

It may sound strange, but spending time alone can help if you feel lonely. “It’s important to distinguish between loneliness and social isolation,” Cates says. Loneliness is subjective. There are people who are fairly isolated who aren’t lonely and others who are around a lot of people with a deep sense of loneliness.

Spending time with yourself can help you feel recharged; bring greater clarity and focus, and boost creativity. It can also help you with your relationships, as spending quality time with yourself can help you appreciate your time with others. As with anything, balance is key. If you’re spending too much time alone, your gut will tell you. You may feel something is off. That can be a good sign to get back in touch with others.

Loneliness doesn’t have to be a constant in your life. Making a few changes can return the joy, connection, and friendships that are waiting around the corner.