Recognizing ADHD in Girls

She simply couldn’t maintain focus, she says. “I would describe myself as a daydreamer. But if you asked me at that age, ‘Carly, are you daydreaming?’ I would say, ‘Of course I’m not. I want to pay attention. I want to learn.’”

Other signs cropped up, too. “I also realized with peers that I couldn’t keep up with conversations that involved more than a few people,” she says, a problem that made group projects hard. As a result, she became, in her own words, “withdrawn or reserved.”

“I was hypervigilant and self-conscious about how people might perceive me. I constantly got headaches and stomachaches,” she says. “I was very sensitive to failure, and I was trying to compensate for a lot.”

In fact, she compensated so well during elementary school that teachers never expressed concern. “I was known for being sweet and helpful,” she says. “I got straight As. I loved running errands.” But outside the classroom, she says, “Everything took twice as long as it should have.”

Girls with inattention can compensate in the early school years, especially if they’re bright. But the strategies often fail when they get to middle school, which demands more planning, time management, and organizational skills. And that’s when girls’ self-esteem can plummet.

In boys with ADHD, “There’s more externalizing behavior,” Surman says. They’re more likely to be “oppositional,” which shows up in defiance and rule-breaking. In contrast, girls tend to turn inward and blame themselves. Beyond the elementary school years, Duryea couldn’t get started on tasks, including schoolwork. “I would tell myself, ‘Carly, you want to do the work. Why aren’t you doing it? Are you lazy? What’s the problem?’”

She felt anxious and depressed, which is common in girls confronted with the daily challenges of ADHD. Fortunately, ADHD medication worked well for Duryea when she started taking it at 14. She still must manage her symptoms, but she’s become a college student with dreams of someday working in the field of ADHD.

As she now knows, the disorder can run in families. Sometimes, parents realize after their children’s diagnosis that they also have ADHD. Duryea’s mother discovered in adulthood that all along, she, too, had the inattentive form.

“When it comes to my future plans, I’ve never felt that ADHD limits my scope,” Duryea says, “especially with my mom being a doctor. She made it through.”